Where Are We Heading?

A guest post by Ashley Cunha.

There’s a lot happening right now in the world, just to state the
obvious. Now this blog might be a lot of things in one, or it might
just end up focusing on one or two major things that I see wrong with
how we approach Women. See I haven’t decided yet because I was asked
to write about ANY issue that is “close to my heart”. I happen to be
fortunate enough in my life where not too many issues directly affect
me. But that by no means makes me less furious or aware about the fact
that they are happening every single second to other women. Forcing
them to live lives they don’t chose, or to make decisions based solely
on protecting themselves and/or their children. I want this post to be
powerful and touching. I want people to read it and feel something
inside them light up because with everything that’s going on, now is
the time for it all to change. I think some positive things are
happening around this subject for change, but the cruelty and unjust
that still goes on even in America, where we wanna be the best and
most advanced, it’s still not being taken seriously enough because
everything is still being run by mostly men. The good news, that is
changing. But what really boggles my mind is that men, who are in
charge, are making decisions about what women can and cannot do with
their own bodies. So let’s start there.
A big debate right now is abortion. Now I know that this is a touchy
subject and im not intentionally going to sit here and try to piss
anyone off, but if you are here reading this you either feel super
strongly about women’s rights or you’re interested to see peoples
perspectives on them. So here’s mine. I am not going to say that
people can’t feel a certain type of way when someone gets an abortion
because there are many factors that can go into that. Some people can
be triggered because they aren’t able to have kids so it might be hard
for them to understand why anyone would “waste” an opportunity to have
one. Others might of had a miscarriage or maybe have been affected by
a close family members misfortune in this situation. The thing that’s
most important to remember about this topic I think is that we do not
know other people’s stories. I’m going to say it again because I
really feel like this is forgotten but a necessary reminder. We do not
know other people’s stories. I have never had an abortion I’m lucky to
never of been in that situation, but just imagine for a minute. You
have a broken home. You don’t have parents or any other family member
to turn to. You might be in an abusive relationship. The only parent
you live with is a drunk or addicted to drugs and you have to take
care of them. Maybe you’re only in high school having to so that, some
kids are only 8 when they have to start taking care of parents. Maybe
you just got fired, or you don’t make enough money to even support
yourself and you already work tirelessly to make it. I don’t think
that it’s a secret that babies will drain you of everything. And i’m
not saying that’s a bad thing because it IS a miracle and an
extraordinary thing that we can do. But we can’t tell people that they
HAVE to put themselves in this situation just because we would, or we
think that’s the right thing to do. Everybody is different, their
stories are different, their lives, their situations. It’s all
different and I don’t think it’s fair for us, others, or especially
men to sit here and try to pass bills backing people into a corner.
Like I said I’ve never had an abortion but there have been certain
times in my life where I know I would not of been a suitable parent
for that child, and that’s why I’m pro-choice.

So here is something that seems absolutely crazy to me, in South
Carolina they’re working on passing a law that sets a legal definition
that human life starts at fertility. Now I know this is where people
get caught up at, and I’m not saying it does or it doesn’t because
eventually there is a real person in there and we can’t ignore that,
but I think we should give some people time to figure out that they
are pregnant before we can tell them that they don’t get to decide if
they can take care of a baby or not. Right because it’s not just
having a baby. It’s everything that comes after. Managing working and
breast feeding, finding someone to watch the baby when you work,
making enough money to support the baby and then the child. And
sending the child to school, daycare, after school activities, school
supplies clothes, food, another bedroom, the list literally goes on
and on. Then after all that there’s people bitching about their tax
money going to help these mother’s with food Stamps or what not take
care of the kids that they told them they had to have. Another
interesting and disturbing fact of how all of this is going, in South
Carolina, rape and incest are not exempt from this bill. That means
that if someone rapes you, you have to have their child. And look at
that child and remember that terrible moment for the rest of your
life. If you’re not really agreeing with me so far, try to imagine
that. Because mostly men are in-charge of these decisions there is no
middle ground. See they have NO idea what goes Into having a baby.
They’re so stuck in their ways and stuck in the way to keep women at
bay that they decided if we are raped, we STILL don’t get to choose
what we do with our bodies afterwards. That’s where we are people.

After we are raped we still don’t get a choice. This is not every
state but a LOT of states are trying or have already passed bills as
such. Ohio is trying to pass a bill that bans abortion when you first
hear a heartbeat, which is sometimes before women even know they’re
pregnant. Indiana is pushing for a bill that enables charges to be
filed if a women has a miscarriage. Iowa also wants to push a bill to
prevent women from getting an abortion before most know there
pregnant, and along with Nebraska want to defund planned parenthood.
Banning Planned parenthood to me is kind of funny. People are so bed
out of shape about all of this and the rights and wrongs that they
wanna get on planned parenthood’s ass and make them the bad guys but
they offer SO much more than just a place for abortions.
Planned parenthood could potentially be a Saving grace for SOOO many
kids. yes, they offer abortion services, but they also offer so many
other important things such as general health care for some people who
don’t have doctors, doctors they trust, or health insurance. Maybe
you’re thinking but you bring your kid to their own doctor and get
regular check-ups. Yea, and you’re an awesome parent for that but some
kids don’t have parents to help them find a doctor and get to one.
They offer HIV services, LGBT services, birth control, pregnancy
testing, STD testing, patient education so that people can be informed
about their health. Even men can go. There doesn’t need to be this
stigma around it JUST because it offers abortion services. I think
with everything going on and all the changes and the hate that seems
to be coming out in the open we could all use a little extra help and
maybe a little more compassion towards others. I Know that there are
people who stand outside of planned parenthood facilities who bash and
taunt the women going in there. First of all, like I just mentioned,
they could be going in there for a number of reasons. However,
considering the people yelling and making other people feel like shit
for their own idea of the way things should be, have taken the time
out of their lives to do this I don’t think they even are thinking of
the other reasons. OR the fact that if someone is going there for an
abortion that decision was not made lightly. That decision did not
come without tears and going back and fourth through all the options
of how to make it work. It did not come without a worry of never
getting another chance to have a baby. And it most certainly is not
happening without potential lifetime regret or heartache. Although I
know that some people that go in there for abortions are teenage girls
who might be being very careless with their bodies, but I think that
is a whole separate issue coming from years of being looked down on,
or seen less than form our peers. I think from all of these years of
us being sometime dehumanized or belittled we lose sight of ourselves.
Sometimes these girls don’t have good role models or a guardian to
help them feel supportive enough to not put themselves in certain
situations but that doesn’t mean that we continue to make them feel
small or make them feel unworthy. That’s the moment we need to stand
up for them and let them know that there are people out there to help
and support them and guide them in life.

It all falls under the bigger issue of just not being seen as equal
all of these years. Just the other day at work a coworker and I were
talking about these kinds of things. He had mentioned that still, in
some parts of the world, women aren’t allowed to play sports. Saudi
Arabia for instance is the only country who don’t let women
participate in the Olympics. Other muslim countries restrict the women
on what sports they can compete in because of what they are wearing.
Like Iran’s female olympians were restricted to only pistol and rifle
shooting at the Barcelona, Sydney and Athens olympics. This is a blurb
from TIME magazine regarding women’s soccer.. [ “Across the Middle
East, Africa, Latin America and Asia, millions of women face legal,
cultural, and religious barriers that forbid them from entering the
pitch. Even in countries where there are no formal restrictions, women
often face death threats, accusations of unfeminine behavior, and
heckling and catcalling from strangers on the sidelines. In some
countries, women are even forbidden from entering soccer stadiums just
to watch.”] It just makes me crazy to hear this. I’m sorry but death
threats.. are you serious. It offends people THAT MUCH to have women
playing soccer. Y’all this is the world we’re living in and I know a
lot of us don’t get this exposure but it’s still happening to the
little girls out there who just wanna play soccer with their brothers,
or friends. Or the teenage girls who are in school dreaming of MAYBE
one day getting to play soccer. No one should have to go through all
of that in general let a lot just to play a sport.
I don’t feel as though I have really experienced sexism really in my
face until I moved and started working in NYC. And I work in
restaurants so it’s going to be pretty prevalent there, right. But
everyone’s really walking on eggshells to again “protect” us women
from the evils of the world after all of the #Metoo stories have come
out. Which makes me laugh at the irony of men now trying to protect us
from… men. Instead of just changing the way that they behave and
acting right, they’re taking precautions to “protect” us. ( eye roll )
Not everyone that I have worked with has undermined me, but FOR SURE
there are a lot who sometimes unintentionally treat me different. This
one “chef” I work with just came up to me the other day ultimately
asking if I was going to be back in NYC at any point in time because
he wanted me to come work for him at this new spot he’s going to. The
thing is, he did not ask me like I heard him asking other cooks or
talking about it with other cooks. When he asked me he said “ I need
to fill my women quota”. Pause. Let that sink in… This is real. It’s
the same reason why you might be seeing more women photographed in
kitchens or with famous chefs they work for. So people know/think that
they are the “better ones”. They somehow they are innocent and pure
and not apart of them problem. Well guess what, they are too. I was
infuriated, but you know what, he’s a boss of mine so I just went with
the conversation ignoring how he just belittled my work ethic and my
presence in the kitchen. I’ve called him out on things like this
before, please don’t think I haven’t, but it is exhausting trying to
talk to a boy about why, what he just said was wrong, when he thinks
he’s one of the “good ones”. So many times I have told him what he
said was not okay and he stands there trying to justify himself. It’s
just baffling seeing the way peoples minds work. It’s also extremely
frustrating to me to not be considered from a professional stand
point, but from a personal one which is why I’d never work for him.

Sexual harassment is another issue experienced in a restaurant, but
it’s also experiences in probably most other jobs as well. Considering
there are more women in higher positions at these jobs I think it
doesn’t get talked about as much like it’s some preconceived notion
that because women are higher up in power men aren’t going to act out…
Like a women being in charge isn’t going to make them potentially feel
inferior and try to feel like “men” in some other way. Which why is
that our job? Why is it like a think for women to make a man feel like
a “man”? That’s not on me dude. If you wanna make me responsible for
my actions and feelings and emotions, then you have to be responsible
for yours as well. EQUAL.

So this turned into a really long piece. But I love it. If you’re
still here and you’re still reading, thank you that’s amazing. Thank
you for listening to me, thank you for having an open mind and an open
heart. Women are the most amazing things in this world. We create
life. We don’t even know how we do it but we do. Every-time, for every
single situation. We do it. We are warriors, we are heroes, we are
kickass fucking chicks. We should all stand for each other, and with
each other to encourage love, forgiveness and empathy. We are superior
and we can do anything. I am here. For anyone that should ever need
it. I am here. I can listen, I can help or I can try my best to
support you if you ever find yourself lacking it just a little bit. I
will be here to lift you up girl. Thank you for listening, I love you
you rock.

– Ashley Cunha, http://www.followingthecuisine.com/

Instagram: _ashleycunha

Twitter : ashleycunha

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