merry christmas, i miss you

the holiday season is often described as joyful, warm, and full of celebration. but for many people, christmas can also be a time of grief, loss, and quiet heartbreak. when the year slows down and routines fade, emotions rise to the surface. the lights feel brighter, the nights feel longer, and the absence of someone you loved becomes impossible to ignore.

grief during the holidays has a way of hiding in plain sight. it shows up in familiar traditions, in empty spaces at the table, in memories that return uninvited. while the world talks about happiness and gratitude, some of us are learning how to carry sadness alongside it. holiday grief is not loud or dramatic. it is soft, persistent, and deeply personal.

this year, my grief arrived through preparation.

long before christmas, i bought presents for you. i planned what i would say, replayed conversations in my head, and imagined a version of the future where love stayed consistent and life followed through on its promises. i believed that effort and intention could protect what we had. but relationships, like seasons, change without warning. sometimes they end quietly, leaving behind plans with nowhere to go.

there is a specific kind of loss that comes from grieving someone who is still alive but no longer part of your life. it is a form of emotional turmoil that does not come with closure or rituals. you do not receive sympathy cards or comforting explanations. you simply wake up one day realizing that someone you loved deeply has become a memory instead of a presence.

christmas has a way of amplifying these feelings. the holiday season encourages reflection. it invites comparison between past and present, between who you were last year and who you are now. memories feel sharper. emotions feel closer. healing during the holidays often feels slower, heavier, and more complicated.

as the year comes to an end, i find myself missing you in quieter ways. not with urgency, but with familiarity. missing you while doing ordinary things. missing the comfort, the routine, the sense of belonging that once felt effortless. this kind of longing does not disrupt your day. it simply lives beside you.

i do not know if you think of me during this time of year. if certain songs, traditions, or moments remind you of us. what i do know is that love does not disappear just because a relationship ends. it changes form. it becomes memory, growth, and understanding.

healing after loss is not about forgetting. it is about learning how to move forward without denying what mattered. it is about allowing grief to exist without letting it define you. this christmas, i am choosing to be honest with my feelings rather than perform happiness. i am allowing space for both sadness and gratitude.

merry christmas.

to the people we loved.

to the relationships that shaped us.

to everyone navigating grief, heartbreak, or loss during the holiday season.

i miss you.

if you feel the same,

know that you are not alone.

love,

milly.