Rape Culture is Real

Before I go right into my post today I would like to remind everyone that this is 2019 and it’s surprising that we’re still having this conversation where I felt the need to mention the very fact that Rape Culture is Real, it’s not a myth. Yesterday I had a hard time falling asleep. I do everyday, sure but last night it was because a very horrific incident made me think and it was frustrating and really stressful. A 26 year old doctor, namely Priyanka Reddy was raped in the middle of the street and burnt. But I’m not here to provide you the details of that because this is nothing new. Every day, someone is molested/sexually harassed but we only care when that “someone” dies. Now let’s talk about Rape Culture and why I’m angry.

Chances are, as feminists and other liberal-minded people, most of you have heard the phrase “rape culture.” It’s used often in feminist circles, and it describes a very important social conditioning that we experience culturally. If you’re living under a rock and busy only thinking about yourself, then you problem don’t know the literal meaning of the word. I’ll educate you of course.

Rape Culture : The notion of normalizing sexual violence in which it is normalized due to societal attitudes and cultural perspectives that addresses the sex roles and patriarchal views.

Rape culture didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s the direct continuation of centuries of patriarchal power and the institutions that developed to support it. According to the feminists’ rape culture theory, sexist behaviors contribute to the normalization of sexual assaults towards women. The root of rape culture is -according to the theory- the objectification and domination of women in a highly patriarchal society. Rape culture exists today because of the socially constructed image of sex as being an act of male domination over women. It is the traditional perception of how men and women are to behave which is the cause of rape being so trivialized. Men are expected to have sexual dominance in the relationship whereas women are pictured as passive, subordinate creatures.

The contrast between men and women in the socially constructed sexual culture can be seen in dating for instance. In a date, a man is expected to buy gifts, dinner, drive the date of/from location to location and shower the woman with attention. Society has accustomed men to expect sexual rewards for their actions. The man thinks he has a right to sexual favors because of what he did on the date. This reasoning puts women as legitimate for sexual aggressions, and gives justifications for men to reason what they might do. When society produces rapists by encouraging values such as domination, anger, aggression, violence and rejecting the idea of men expressing and sharing their feelings, it fosters a rape culture.

I hear around me when I ask people about the causal role of women in a rape situation is people say that women should not dress in an alluring way then blame men for raping them. Society is full of sick men, and women should be prepared for this. Raped women actually “had it coming”. By such kind of victim blaming attitudes, society reinforces a relationship between the abuser and the abused, which allows abuser to perpetuate sexual violence and diminishes all accountability of their actions.

‘Men will be Men’ is a notion that will continue to exist, if we refuse to address sexist remarks and issues, if we don’t teach men that they are responsible for their actions, and if we continue to aid appalling behaviour. The notion will continue to sustain rape culture if we do not hold men accountable for their actions and refuse to tolerate inappropriate behaviour that is considered to be normal and something ‘men will do’.

In India one of the biggest perpetuators of rape culture is the fact that a family or community’s honour is tied to a woman’s sexual ‘purity’. Her body is treated as a sacred thing. Rape culture is dishonouring the victim and not the rapist, because women are seen as the ‘honour’ of the community.

Rape is described as izzat lutna (robbing one’s honour) in Hindi, which depicts rape as something that ruins the life of the victim and her community. When a woman is seen as a source of ‘honour’ they are made exceedingly vulnerable. Their actions are strictly controlled and policed by their families and communities, and they are also seen as a target by those seeking revenge from the community.

Rape is viewed as a powerful way to seek revenge because it is associated with notions such as disgrace and shame. Rape and the stigma attached to it makes it hard for women to seek justice, because most of the time they don’t report the crime fearing dishonour.

This was Rape Culture for you. Now we’ll be talking about the anger that I have.

It breaks my heart to think about the amount of pain women go through each and every day and every second of their lives. The difference between arriving safely home by a certain hour and getting brutally raped is just dumb. I get anxious if strange men approach me in public, even if they’re seemingly nice because, one never knows. One can never know. Why should we have to give up our lives, our peace, our dreams, our hopes, our rights to be human just because this stubborn society cannot accept that most men, in fact, are abusive. I’m sorry that it bruises the ego of ‘genuinely nice’ men, but can you see that we don’t meet you that often at bus stops, on our way back home, at a party where I’m allowed to have fun without having to worry about my body being mutilated. Can you see how this society has unfortunately bred rapists which are ‘most’ than ‘some’.
We’re barely considered human. Our bodies are treated as public property, our sexuality is a currency that men deal in. it’s no wonder most of us are developing crippling anxiety and mental health issues by the time we’re in our early twenties. A life of constantly looking over your shoulder and adjusting your clothing strap in public does that to you. Try being self-aware every second of the day, try feeling guilty when something wrong happens to you. After all these rape cases – starting from toddlers to old women – why can’t people accept that this violence is real. Why are we still making rape jokes, why are we still blaming women for their own misfortunes and why are we brushing aside horrors of rape and abuse by calling women ‘brave’?
There’s no bravery in having to bear the burden of what is done to you. We would rather be safe than have to be brave.

This is the problem. You all don’t take abuse seriously till it’s a woman raped and burnt alive. until there’s an overwhelming display of twisted mentality. Also you lot have no trouble hailing a dead woman as a “braveheart” but if she’s alive and trying to speak up, you are quick to defend a guy’s reputation. “Ya but we don’t know if it really happened because she’s alive and posting selfies.”
Everything is a false accusation until I’m dead.

And if you are a man reading this, triggered and about to comment “not all men” do that while women die. I’m not hating on you, but it’s better if you accept the truth.

Until next time,

Milly.